I want one week, just one full week with no drama and no fights and no nothing. My bullshit tolerance is at an all time low and the next person to test it might not like the result.
Leeann and I went out yesterday, shopping and everything else. We had a good, day, did girly things, whatever whatever. The we made plans to go to the Watering Trough. So we go and it's $15 sink or swim, all the beer or wells you can drink. We did this last weekend and I got moderately drunk but last night I was drinking to forget everything that's happened this past week so moderate is a relative and unrelated term. I was smashed. I was crying most of the night, thinking a lot about Mike and how I feel like I screwed everything up between us...I hate that feeling and sober me has done a good job dealing with the whole, we're just going to be friends things but drunk me didn't like it.
So, smashed as all hell, not really paying attention to much, Leeann tells me "Okay, our ride is here." and while I was thoroughly confused, I was not in any place to argue with her. We walk outside, I went to my car to get my phone charger and clothes for bed and everything else. Then I lock my keys in my car while Leeann's keys were still in the car and we had no way to get into her house. Her friend Jake, our ride, called a locksmith and shelled out $100.00 cash to have my car broken into considering I spent every last dime I had.
So we go back to Leeann's house. Now Leeann is dating John but she had told him not to come home that night, that we were going to have a girl's night and he should stay in Tampa where he was. So the house was empty. Leeann set me up on the futon and I passed the hell out almost instantly. Keep in mind, I had no idea anything that was going on, I was dead to the world. I came too fairly groggy to the sounds of "AGAIN, AGAIN? STUPID WHORE? AGAIN?" And I recognize the voice instantly as John's. My adrenaline started to surge and I saw John storm in the kitchen, grab the flower vase and I hear it smash against the wall. He storms out of the bedroom again and I called out to him three or four times before he turned. I said "John, what's going on?" he says "What the fuck do you think is going on?" and I said "I don't know, I'm dead asleep, what the fuck?" He said "I'll give you three guesses." and before I could even get off the futon he goes "I caught them fucking, red handed." My heart sank. John stormed outside, I quickly checked on Leeann and ran outside after John. He threw Leeann's key at me and said "The bitch will want these." and sped off in Jake's car with Jake.
I picked up the key, ran into Leeann's room. I saw broken glass, a dent in the wall and the bathroom door torn to shreds from where he'd punched a hole through it. I didn't hear him do that but I did see the damage that was done. Leeann was hyperventilating and freaking out. I did the first thing I could think of. I grabbed Leeann's phone, told her to stay put and I called Mike. I said "Hey, have you talked to John?" "No, why?" and apparently Mike couldn't understand a word I said because he hung up after I proceeded to explain what happened and he called John. I went back in the room to Leeann and got it out of her that John would've gone to his grandmother's house. So I sat with Leeann, told her I was gonna go talk to John and that everything would be okay, I'd do what I could. So I walked the mile and a half to John's grandmother's.
I got there as he was on the phone with Leeann who had called him to tell me to come back home. I got inside, he got off the phone. I told him "Come on, let me clean up your arm." His knuckles were all completely busted and he had scratches from where he punched through the door. John and I have a small bit of unresolved sexual tension between us that I doubt will ever be resolved. Leeann's first words after I told her I was going to go to talk to John is "He's gonna wanna fuck you."
I sat with John and we talked and he asked me "I'm giving you one chance to tell me what happened." and I told him what I rememered which equated to "I got drunk I went back to your place I passed out and woke up to you finding them. Then I waked here." We talked for a little bit more and I made a comment about the whole him wanting to have sex with me thing and he comes up to me and hugs me from behind and starts biting my ear and kissing my neck. I was like "John...John..." and he's like "I didn't say I wanted to fuck you. I was just thinking about fooling around and maybe sleeping naked with you." and I told him "I appreciate the offer but unfortunately for both of us I'm crazy in love with your best friend." and he said "I know, and we need to have a long talk about that." Which, I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but whatever.
I saw a car pull up in the driveway, it wasn't Mike's, it was Leeann's and she came and was begging me to come back to her house with her. I told her "Honey, go home. I'm waiting on Mike, he'll take me back over there to you, just go home. Go home." and she argued for a minute and then walked back to the car. I came inside and John was ready for it, he thought I was Leeann and he started to mouth off and realized it was me. Leeann sat in the car for a minute then I heard her get out of it again. I met her at the door and she tried to get in, I told her "Leeann, not a good idea. Leeann go home." and she pushed past me and opened the door. She got in John's face and said "I just want to say one thing. We both know it's over. Tell Amanda that so I can take her home." and John, who was on the phone with Mike at the time said "She's waiting for Mike. He'll take her home. Bye." and I let Leeann out, told her I'd be there soon.
Mike stopped at Leeann's and talked to her, and then came over to John's. I sat outside and let them catch up. Dumbasses stood in the living room though and had the window open so I caught bits and pieces of what they were saying and nothing of it was anything I didn't know. Mike asked what my involvement was and John said that I was an unwilling bystander/observer. I essentially did not know anything except for what happened before and what happened after. They talked for about ten minutes then Mike came outside, sat with me for a minute before John joined us. We all kind of sat there and chilled, comments were made, jokes were cracked but it was relatively peaceful considering. John laid his head down on my leg and I was running my hands through his hair and then we cuddled on the couch. We came inside and we were all in the bedroom and I laid on the bed and cuddled with John while Mike sat in the chair. My intentions were not malicious, I was still mildly drunk and lonely and John was drunk, depressed and lonely.
Apparently, I seem too nuetral though because I was told that my trust is no longer. These words coming from Mike. I did talk to John about it and while he explained to me Mike's position, since Mike and I are incapable of having such a conversation it would seem and I explained to John mine. John and I have an understanding.
So then, John starts texting me almost immediately about hooking up. And I was hesitant. He invited me over Monday night but I told him I was busy, which I was, and then I said that I would come over Tuesday night (last night.) So we text all night Monday and all day Tuesday and it's mildly sexual, nothing too explicit or OH MY GOD. but just flirting. Then I get there yesterday after work and he pulls me into the shower with him. We kissed and felt around and all the other typical things and then got out of the shower and started unpacking his things. He then gets a text from Leeann "Hey, I'm coming by to drop off more of your stuff." and he responds "Okay, Amanda's here helping me unpack." and Leeann calls him FUMING. The first words out of her mouth were "Did you fuck her?!" and John said "No. She's helping me unpack. And even if I was or even if I did, why is it your business??" And so John and I scramble to put on our work clothes to make it look like I had just gotten there and was legitimately helping him unpack shit. I ran out to the back patio, lit a cigarette and waited for the inevitable. Leeann storms out of the house and screams "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING AT MY MAN'S HOUSE?" And John heard her and came outside and said "Excuse me?!" And Leeann just kept glaring at me repeating herself. "What are you doing here Amanda, what are you doing here?" and I tried to explain to her "Leeann, I am just John's friend, same as I am yours. I came to help him unpack. I've been sorting bottle caps for the past hour, you can go look if you want. The Budweiser and Bud Lights have their own seperate bags." And Leeann had her fist clenched and ready to hit me and John stepped in and said "If you don't put that fist down your gonna have a bad fucking day. Leave." and so John got her to leave and I was shaking when he came back outside because my adreneline was pumping so hard.
So John and I are sitting outside just kind of in awe that the whole thing happened and I looked at him. I said "You know what she's doing right now right?" and he goes "Yup. She's calling Mike." and not even three seconds later John's phone goes off and it's Mike. I about died laughing. Mike said Leeann called him fuming and hysterical. It was great, Mike told John that he wishes Leeann would have hit me so I could've stomped her ass. I kinda wish so too, but it's probably better that didn't happen. While Mike and John are on the phone, I got a text from Leeann that said "You're dead to me. Delete my fucking number." and I didn't even respond. I just let it be. Then Leeann sent John a text saying "I had no right. I'm sorry." because Leeann flipped the hell out.
So the night went on and John and I ended up fooling around two more times, again no actual sex, but just a lot of touching and kissing. I did enjoy myself, I will say that, but at the same time I felt pangs of guilt because I still love Mike. I'm not gonna get over Mike for awhile yet here I am naked on a bed with his best friend. See Mike is pushing John and I together because it takes the pressure off of him. My whole moral dilema with fooling around with John stemmed from two things. Number one, my friendship with Leeann would be over if she ever found out we fooled around (little did I know our friendship would be over if I even hung out with John.) and Number two, It'd make for a small dilema should Mike and I ever work out.
Mike had a date last night with Heather, the girl he dated before I came into the picture. And I knew about the date beforehand. Well Mike called John a couple times throughout the night and at one point mentioned stopping by. I was really excited because I haven't seen Mike since Sunday which for us is a record, especially considering I've seen him every day essentially for the last four months. Then I could hear him ask "Is Amanda still there?" and John said "Yeah we're unpacking stuff." and I couldn't hear the next bit but Mike didn't come over. Come to find out Heather spent the night because she had a job interview in St. Pete today...she slept in my spot next to him in bed, they probably had sex. Not that it's my business but even still. She slept in my spot...she got to feel him, hold him, kiss him, be his...I hate that. I hate that so much. It doesn't make a difference to me that I was with John all night, it still hurts like a bitch! I hate it. I cried all the way home and I've been a literal walking zombie this morning.
He just called me though and he goes "You know what my issue is?" and I said "Pray tell" and he goes "You're awesome. There's no disputing that, I love being around you." and I said "Okay" and he goes "Heather...not so awesome. Cute...but borderline whiney and no fun to talk to, no fun to hang out with and I did the same thing I do to you. Wait til she fell asleep and went into a different bed." Him and I just sat on the phone laughing our asses off for three minutes straight. I told him that's what he gets when he treats awesome like shit and goes for not so awesome, he gets screwed. And I made a comment about how he should feel bad and he said "Hell no I don't feel bad...well I did feel bad until you started getting mouthy." and he said that Heather is like 1/4 of what he's looking for and I have the other 3/4 and if there was some way to mesh the two he would. He's such a dork, I was seriously laughing so hard I was crying. And he said "Call me after work and see where I am, maybe we can hang out for a little bit."
Now I'm smiling.The zombie has gone away. It's amazing how much control you let a person have on your moods and your emotions. I give him way too much control and it sucks.
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