"Don't you know nobody drinks alone"

Last night was...last night. I went to the gym until about eight, got home and about nine M. called me and essentially invited me over...it was more a discussion of "I don't care if you come over" proportions. Anyway, I knew he'd be drinking and I hate when he drinks alone because 9 times out of 10 he'll call me to come over anyways because drinking alone he gets depressed. So I figured why not just go, keep him some company, have a couple glasses of wine and go to bed? Harmless, right?

BAD IDEA! Not because we had a bad night per say but because apparently I had more wine than I thought and spent midnight on sick as hell. Bad thing, I didn't get there until 10pm. I downed half a jug of wine in two hours and I damn sure payed for it. It was so random too, I just got up to go to the bathroom and when I got in there, boom. I have not been that sick from drinking in a long time and I've never been sick in front of M. before.

I am so thankful he was there. I was really embarrassed but I got over that quickly and accepted his assistance. He got me water and pepto bismol, he didn't even get mad about me getting sick on his bed, didn't get mad about anything. I know I said a lot of random stufff, I know I threw around "I love you" quite a few times which I don't say anymore unless I'm drinking. I don't know what set me off, I don't know why I drank so much. Part of it might have had to do with him mentioning that he was talking to this random girl he used to date. He said it's more out of curiousity than anything else, they've already tried to make it work twice and it hasn't. He asked if it would upset me if they started hanging out and I started to cry. It was more the wine than anything else, but even still. I told him if it becomes a daily or even semi-regular thing, of course I'd be upset.

We listened to this Kenny Chesney song I've never heard before and I immediately started to cry. It's called "Better as a Memory" and the hook to the song is "I was better as a memory than as your man." and it just reminds me of the way that things can go south with M. and I hope and pray that nothing goes south with him. I do love him, I seriously do. I can see myself marrying this guy in a practical sense. With Cedric it was more because he was my first love, he was the only thing I'd ever known romantically that way and I knew that I cared about him and loved him but marrying him was pushing it. With M. I can actually visualize our life together, I can see me and him getting married and having children and living happily ever after. We mesh that well when things are good and when things are bad we deal with them and move on, I can only think of one, maybe two fights in the past four months that have carried on past an hour. And all of our fights are over stupid little shit, nothing major or life changing.

Okay, back to work. I'm sure I'll ramble on some more later but I need to kill a few hours actually doing my damn job.