"Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago..."

I just ate Chinese crap food for the first time in 3 weeks and my stomach is ridiculously upset now. Thank you China One but no thank you. Blech. I am so sleepy, I cannot stop yawning and it's driving me crazy!! Ugh. I'm gonna go get my eyebrows waxed afterwork, they're scary...and I'm debating on whether or not I want to dye my hair black. I feel like my hair is finally starting to behave, my roots are starting to show through.


Spent the night at M.'s last night. It was a good night overall...we had a rough start, he was in a bad mood and he was drinking but once he got that good buzz going we had a good time. It was like it was before, we sang to each other and were just very touchy feely and I held him while we fell asleep...I miss doing that, I miss being able to hold him at night...normally it's the other way around, it's a guy holding the girl, making her feel safe but I get a sense of pride and a happy warmth inside knowing that I can bring him comfort.

I'm really eager to get to the gym today, I don't know why. I have a couple errands to run first, couple things to do, but I really want to go and just bust my ass. I want to lose 2 sizes by July 4th. That's my short term goal. I want to be down into a size 14. I'll be content to get to a 16 but what I really want is to be in a 14. I'm going to really tighten up on my eating and drinking and physical activities. I meet with Jason on Friday morning at 6am to work out and comprise a plan for me. My biggest thing is creating a diet and sticking with it!! Before he had me at like 1200 calories a day but I'm willing to cut that in half and eat nothing but celery and watermelon for the rest of my life. =/ I just want to get down to my goal so bad, I want to feel comfortable in my bathing suit and get my tattoos and do all the things I wanna do. I want a tattoo from my ribcage to my hip and I know I'll never get it if I stay fat like I am now, lol. I want two tats on my hips too and maybe one across my back. All of them will be hidden of course.

I stopped by Fat Ink last night and talked to an artist named Jackie. She said she can definitely fix up the tattoo on my foot and maybe add a background to it to distract from the bleeding where Dustin messed it up. I really love my tattoo but I wish I would have thought ahead enough to get someone who is a licensed professional to do it, not someone who runs it out of the back room of their house. Ugh. And to think, I paid $50 for it. Piece of shit. I could have had Dixie do it because I love her and trust her and could have beat her ass if she screwed it up. If Jackie does good work fixing up my foot maybe I'll have her keep doing my tattoos in the future, who knows. I know I want more. I won't get anything too crazy, the biggest piece I get will probably be the one from my hip to my rib cage.