So I completely waffled yesterday...COMPLETELY...as in, look up the definition of "I have no spine to speak of" in the dictionary and there's a big honking portrait of me.
I got to M's house and we sat in silence for a good five minutes. Then I asked, "What do you remember?" and he remembers nothing except for his legs giving and how scared he was. That's it. He remembers NOTHING. Doesn't remember ignoring me, doesn't remember hitting on my friend, doesn't remember saying anything about Maddy or me following him home, doesn't remember talking to me on the phone after and his friend being rude to me...nothing.
He was genuinely apologetic and thanked me for containing his mishaps as best I could in front of his friends. He said sorry quite a few times and I could tell it was genuine. And the fact that he thanked me spoke volumes.
He also said something that stuck with me. "I really don't treat you as good as I should." and he told me he missed having me around at the house.
I am going to maintain my distance, seeing him maybe once a week or so, but it's so strange. Saturday night I was so hopeless, I was dead set on the fact that we were never going to be together and I was going to walk out of his life. But yesterday, I was renewed with hope... I don't know... I'm not going to give up on him, I never give up on anyone but for whatever reason, my hope for him and for us is endless despite all the shit that went on.
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