"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you..."

Gorgeous rainy day today...hate being stuck at work, I'd rather be stuck in bed. Reminds me of one particular Sunday not to long ago, M. and I spent the whole day in bed and on the couch. That was a great day.

Talked to M. yesterday...I've been thinking about him a lot, thinking about what we talked about on Saturday and how everything played out. You know some people are disappointed in the fact that I couldn't say goodbye, the fact that I couldn't part ways with him...and while I don't blame many of them, I think a big part of the problem is I never talked about all the good things that M. did for me, how he took care of me on my bad days, how he took care of me (in one instance I remember) when I was sick to my stomach and he was just very doting and sweet. He helped me with money on more than on occaision and on top of all the bad, did a lot of good too.

David also called me last night. Told me that M. called him and text him a few times but that David blew him off. I hate running interference on these two...telling one what the other has said, they're worse than high schoolers some time. David is doing M. dirty in some ways and in other ways, I wish I had his strength...David's reasons for parting with M. are shady though, he is walking away from a friend because he has a new girl in his life and that is wrong. My only advice to David was don't burn bridges you can't afford to burn... I don't burn my bridge with M. because I can't afford to...I rely on him as a friend and I told him last night, even if we never get together, I will always be his friend. And I mean that, I am not an unloyal person and M. even admitted last night I have proven myself trustworthy on a number of occasions. I don't know, I take it 1 day at a time with M. because that's all I really can do.

God I'm tired. I've gotten too much sleep in that past two days, my body is in shock from it. I have Danielle's graduation to go to tonight. Her party was yesterday at our house, we had a good time. I enjoyed seeing all my family and spending time with them. I am proud of her for busting her ass in school and getting into UCF and going away to college. It was disheartening though because all I heard from them is "When are you going back to school?" "What are you doing with the rest of your life now that you're not in school?"  I know I need to get back to school, I know I need to get my degree, I know that I need to do a lot of things but right now, I need to get the $6000 debt looming over my head to go away so that I can get financial aid and a loan and money saved up to go back to school. I just have a lot on my plate right now and I'm trying to figure out which bite to swallow first.