"Well you done done me and you bet I felt it..."

After a rough weekend (to say the least) I have a renewed sense of hope and self...and people say Monday's are bad days.

Friday night I went out with Leeann and Meghan. Leeann and I grabbed drinks at Chilli's than headed to the Watering Trough with Meghan. We had a great time...drank a little much. M. came to pick us up way too early in our opinion but it was a free ride so the complaints were kept between us. Apparently when we got home, I made a complete fool of myself in front of M. while we were laying in bed. I don't remember exactly what words were exchanged but I know I was sad, I started to cry and M. rubbed my back and told me it would be okay and he held me for a little bit then rolled over and fell asleep. It was sweet for awhile and I'm at least thankful I remember his kindness and not everything else. The next morning was rough though, on both of us, me more so than  him. I felt ashamed and I was a little grumpy and he was rightfully grumpy so it was just a rough day all around.

Saturday I spent the day cleaning my aunt's house with my mom and step-dad. It was a selfish gesture on my part because while I know my aunt needs help with such things, I did it mainly so that my mom and I would start speaking to each other again. We've been on the outs because she doesn't like me going out and spending the night out at people's houses, etc. etc. and I've done so three times in the last week.

M. and I had it out on Saturday night. Words were thrown around and things were said. He actually suggested that we not speak for three months until I lose weight and I about lost it both on him and myself. We're okay now, as okay as we can be I suppose. We talked a couple times breifly yesterday and he was short with me, borderline pissed each time so I left well enough alone, left him alone. Monday is generally a night I come spend the night since I have Tuesday's off and while I have my stuff to sleep over in the car just in case, I doubt he'll call. If he does, I don't know if I'll say yes. I have laundry and other obligations I need to fufill. My room is trashed and I want to play some guitar and maybe sew some bags tonight or make some jewelry, do something to distract me from thinking about him.

Work has been busy thankfully today. I've paused for the last two hours, I wrote the upper portion of this two hours ago and I just now have two seconds to add to it. I have eight callbacks pending, jobsheets to print for tomorrow, follow-up calls to complete and pre-calls to complete. I hate feeling rushed like this. I'm going to smoke a cigarette in a minute, relax and hopefully get ready to bust it out for the next four hours.

I spent the day at Meghan's house yesterday with her family. I love them, they're so upbeat and open. We hung around drinking beer and pina coladas, smoking cigarettes and playing volleyball. I had a lot of fun and it was really relaxing! I definitely needed that.

I'll probably write later when I get home...if I don't update we all know where I went but I haven't heard anything from him today so it is what it is.